Something I never really do is talk about my personal shit and thats probably always going to be the case but i’ll try a bit for this post..not for sympathy but purely for its relevance!
Those who know me know me as an outspoken guy who will go to the deepest and darkest place just to put a smile on the faces of those around me. Even if I myself come across as a clown I won’t care once I know I have made someone else day that bit better. I just love to make people laugh and I’m sure thats never going to change the older I get!
A question I get over and over again is “are you happy you didn’t do what all your friends did and go to college?”
“are you happy doing what you’re doing?”
So… As I have said in previous posts I have an amazing family and was brought up with respect and hard work being etched into my being. Dunno if that makes sense but fuck it you get what I mean! I’m no shakespeare i’m just a meathead with a keyboard..and a great beard!
When I was halfway through school I probably started struggling with myself inside..Why? I don’t know I guess everyone is different and my body thought it was time to fuck with me! What this meant for me was that I thought very low of myself and just wasn’t a very happy guy…I didn’t feel I had a future in anything and absolutely saw no purpose in me going to school for a future which to me WASNT THERE. Don’t get me wrong I had a great group of friends in particular Jack and Lewis, A girlfriend who was also my best friend and of course I was flying in the world of sports! So in that regard I was living a 16 year olds Dream! But still most nights I would fall asleep with tears in my eyes dreading waking up the next morning to go through the same thing over and over again. Sounds homo as hell but thats what happened and I can’t change that and I definitely couldn’t control it! When it would have been at its worst would have been when I was in my final year of school and I really didn’t know what I was going to do or meant to do! How I felt when I was 16 was nothing like how I felt then and I didn’t know what to do…so I just shut the fuck up and let it all continue.To me It was a sign of weakness and even now writing this I feel like a sappy cunt but I guess its good to sometimes let people in to know that i’m most certainly not what they think!
How am I now?
Much the same really if not probably worse at times but I have found one thing (asides from laughing) that really helps me deal with all the shit that goes on in my head and it’s Powerlifting. Out of the 5 days that I train it’s really only my 2 heavy days that I really get any “therapy” from but holy shit it helps. All the shit stuff that my mind generates is released during those sessions and I swear to god for the rest of the day I feel absolutely incredible! Is it a permanent fix? No, but I think how I feel is now part of who I am and honestly I don’t know if i’d be as persistent an individual as I am if I didn’t have these dark, negative thoughts.
As I said up top I’m not going to be going into any detail or the full extent as to how I was/am but I feel I got my point across. What is my point? People always say I couldn’t live without this or that…But for me I really don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have this sport.
Stay sexy and get hairy XOXO