Why I chose this path.

Something I never really do is talk about my personal shit and thats probably always going to be the case but i’ll try a bit for this post..not for sympathy but purely for its relevance!

Those who know me know me as an outspoken guy who will go to the deepest and darkest place just to put a smile on the faces of those around me. Even if I myself come across as a clown I won’t care once I know I have made someone else day that bit better. I just love to make people laugh and I’m sure thats never going to change the older I get!

A question I get over and over again is “are you happy you didn’t do what all your friends did and go to college?”


“are you happy doing what you’re doing?”

So… As I have said in previous posts I have an amazing family and was brought up with respect and hard work being etched into my being. Dunno if that makes sense but fuck it you get what I mean! I’m no shakespeare i’m just a meathead with a keyboard..and a great beard!

When I was halfway through school I probably started struggling with myself inside..Why? I don’t know I guess everyone is different and my body thought it was time to fuck with me! What this meant for me was that I thought very low of myself and just wasn’t a very happy guy…I didn’t feel I had a future in anything and absolutely saw no purpose in me going to school for a future which to me WASNT THERE. Don’t get me wrong I had a great group of friends in particular Jack and Lewis, A girlfriend who was also my best friend and of course I was flying in the world of sports! So in that regard I was living a 16 year olds Dream! But still most nights I would fall asleep with tears in my eyes dreading waking up the next morning to go through the same thing over and over again. Sounds homo as hell but thats what happened and I can’t change that and I definitely couldn’t control it! When it would have been at its worst would have been when I was in my final year of school and I really didn’t know what I was going to do or meant to do! How I felt when I was 16 was nothing like how I felt then and I didn’t know what to do…so I just shut the fuck up and let it all continue.To me It was a sign of weakness and even now writing this I feel like a sappy cunt but I guess its good to sometimes let people in to know that i’m most certainly not what they think!

How am I now?

Much the same really if not probably worse at times but I have found one thing (asides from laughing) that really helps me deal with all the shit that goes on in my head and it’s Powerlifting. Out of the 5 days that I train it’s really only my 2 heavy days that I really get any “therapy” from but holy shit it helps. All the shit stuff that my mind generates is released during those sessions and I swear to god for the rest of the day I feel absolutely incredible! Is it a permanent fix? No, but I think how I feel is now part of who I am and honestly I don’t know if i’d be as persistent an individual as I am if I didn’t have these dark, negative thoughts.

As I said up top I’m not going to be going into any detail or the full extent as to how I was/am but I feel I got my point across. What is my point? People always say I couldn’t live without this or that…But for me I really don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have this sport.

Stay sexy and get hairy XOXO






An interview with Zahir Khudayarov

So last week I was lucky enough to get talking to Zahir Khudayarov in a video call with my coach Dean.

We are friends on Facebook and he regularly likes some of the stuff I post so I figured why not do a blog post about him and he and his wife Anna were all for it! Zahir is probably now best known for his 505KG Raw squat which looked like an early warmup. Truly a superhuman! Definitely will be doing a youtube video with him in the future!

Anyway we will fire away with the questions that i asked Zahir.

-When did you start powerlifting and why-

Zahir went onto saying that he began powerlifting at the age of 15 and that his main sport had actually been sprinting. Once he had been given the go ahead by his coach he was allowed to weight train which is when he began a bodybuilding/powerlifting style of training.

-What style of training works the best for you-

He said he has his own type of programming which is based off the Russian old style of programming but its with his own twist and it changes every three months which includes a blend of bodybuilding and powerlifting.

-Favourite competition and why-

GPA worlds in Austrailia where he fought Lilliebridge and Dan Green. The fact that there was such big names at it made it his favourite. GPA is where Zahir actually set all his big records.

-What does it take to squat over 500KG-

He initially didnt understand the question and hie wife Anna eventually helped him out with the translation but i loved the tangent he went off on so I will include it.

He went on to say how he likes that Lilliebridge and the rest of his competition cannot squat near his number and how the fact that they’re not just behind by 5KG or 10KG but its by a huge number. He then went on to compare it to Mike Tyson in his fights where he kept knocking out his opponents and was so clearly the best. He just wants it to be so obvious that he is the best and of course it is…

He highlighted the importance of rest and nutrition Mentioning that he eats an average of 3KG of meat a day. He said above everything he says confidence is the most important thing of all. He then told me how he now hopes to go on and squat 550KG in 2017 and I absolutely believe he will. There’s something amazing about his level of confidence and its really refreshing to see someone with such strong self belief.

I believe in myself. Many people are afraid but I am not, inside it tells me that I will make it and I will motherfucking make it..Zahir you will get it” -Zahir

-Have you ever tried equipped lifting-

At first when there was now raw lifting he did try it but one day when he was benching 300KG in his familys gym in Azerbaijan it was only his brother spotting him and he ended up dropping the weight on his jaw and breaking it completely! He was in hospital where they wired his teeth together and as soon as he got out he was back in the gym training again! From then he stopped with the equipped lifting but he did remember his best equipped numbers. He only squatted in briefs and they didnt help him at all only squatting 380KG and benching 250KG and pulling a 382.5KG deadlift at 110KG bodyweight!

-Would he ever come to ireland-

Once there was a big competition he would..Powerlifting is not so big in Finland so he has to travel alot to compete anyway. Hopefully we will be seeing him competing on irish soil very very soon!

-Whats next for Zahir-

Zahir is currently in talks with a Finish rock festival about hosting a powerlifting event at it. It is a very big festival so the crowd would be huge. Offeseason training has begun and he will be aiming to squat 550KG at this festival. But for now its just offseason and no competing until this festival next summer.

-Does he have a coach-

Zahir does all his own coaching. He has the same crew at his training sessions but nobody tells him what to do.Only he decides what he does but his wife is a doctor and can help him with his nutrition.

He then went on to highlight the importance of powerlifters and bodybuilders having a doctor close by for all the internal and external issues that they may face. For him his wife Anna said that he will usually have pains in his body that she will have to give some attention.

-Signing off-

Why does he want to do 550KG? Because he wants to show the equipped lifters that he can do more than he can do raw! He believes that everyone can do their best numbers raw and that they should start from the beginning and focus on weaknesses from the early stages instead of leaning on equippment .

I absolutely cannot thank Zahir  and Anna enough for giving me some of their time they were absolutely lovely and I know they would have chatted to me for hours had I not been so conscious about keeping them too long haha!

What I took from my talking with them?

I absolutely need to push my squats alot more…300KG squat is not a great squat! I’m after 400KG as soon as possible and hopefully over the next 3 years before im out of the junior class!!

Nutrition needs to be far more structured and I need to pay more attention to offseason and the likes.

I really want to begin competing abroad! Simple as..

12 days until i hit the platform again.. Stay tuned for some phycotic posts haha!





The road to a 200KG bench at 21.

I guess this more of a “bro” post but it is one that really holds a big place in my life! For some a 200KG bench is fuck all but to me at 21 years old its something I really want to have and own.

I’ll just give you all a backround on my training and where I began.

My parents would not let me start training until I was 16 and that was okay because that’s when most of my friends started training anyway!

Not to mention the months before I started I was having severe back problems due to my weight.

I stepped into probably the worst gym you could probably imagine in Drumcondra Co. Dublin and my training began there. My first ever time touching a weight hitting 100KG for five or six reps! Happy out!


When I started out training at 16 in July I was 125KG and really badly overweight so I was advised by a back specialist to lose a lot of weight or else my back problems were going to leave me really fucked up. That’s not quite how he put it but it was something along those lines anyway!

So began my vicious spell of the most retarded dieting known to man… some days hitting a mere 250cals!

I also took up running big time and would run 40km three times a week and 10km every other day while still doing 2hrs of rugby every day and my own weight training after that!

On top of all this I also thought going to Holland and Barret and buying about 20 tubs of random tablets and taking 4 of each a day was a good idea.

Long story short something went wrong and I needed bloods done and I nearly was on kidney dialisis as a result of the dieting and H&B abuse..

When I had to show the Doc all of the tablets it turned out I was even taking stuff that was meant for womens periods haha so I was made look like a right tit!


So my bodyweight was down to 72KG from 125 so I had dropped 53KG/117LBS in around 3 months and I was skinny as fuck. It also is probably what led to all the serious injuries in the following years but no regrets!

I was still strong and when I was just about to turn 17 I hit a 170KG benchpress at that 72KG bodyweight so it was huge for me!

But for the next couple of years I couldn’t bench properly because of my knee surgeries so it plataued big time!

When I was 18 I popped my shoulder in a rugby match but continued to play that full season while dislocating it a few more times. To be fair the pain of it was unbearable and I never got a nights sleep as a result of it! It got so bad that one day when I was squatting I actually popped it out trying to get the bar down my back.


So my training stopped for the rest of sixth year and I was booked in for a shoulder reconstruction the day after my leaving cert finished…fucking fantastic summer ahead!

Had my ball and socket remade and a labrum re-attatchment so I was all good with a few plates and plenty of screws and the expected recovery was 6 months until heavy benchpressing and a couple months in a sling.

Tits to that and I was banging out 20 reps of pushups after 2 days and then benching 130KG 4 weeks after surgery.

Fast forward a year of 2 more knee ops and no leg drive and then my training starts going really well.

Teaming up with Eamon and getting some really havy pressing going and eventually getting a PB in nationals in march with 182.5KG as my third attempt bench.

Few months later im competing under Dean Gartland and my bench is jumping up. (Dean in my opinion being the best coach I have ever come across)Went to Battle of the Boyne at the end of july and put on a really poor performance and really let myself down but it was on me and thankfully I know its part of the game so it probably had me down for around an hour haha! Numbers I hit there were a 280KG squat(piss poor) a 192.5KG bench and a 280KG deadlift.

After that performance I decided I wasn’t finished with competing for 2016 so I entered the IPO charity meet and I will absolutely be shooting for that 200KG bench and fuck it I will probably get emotional but that’s sport for you.


-Do it with passion or don’t do it at all-


I am currently 18 days away from my next competition and I genuinely feel that the bench is there. I know it is and I will make it my little bitch.

Obviously my plans for my bench are to be as close to the mid 200s while still a junior (3 more years) so we will just have to wait and see.

This Powerlifting is way more of a mental battle than some people realise.

Everyone can go lift weights but it definitely takes something extra to be a Powerlifter. What that is I am not quite sure but im trying to figure it out!

I think I will leave it there for today.

Feedback on the last post was really really good so if you want more let me know and hopefully you will all continue to enjoy my shite talk.

Xoxo Killian

First blog post

Who is Killian Carolan?

Fuck……Lets start from the beginning.

I should also add there will be a heap of spelling/punctuation errors because at this stage with so many knocks to my head it’s a miracle I can tie my shoe laces!

I am the youngest of eight kids in my family and I grew up in a very normal part of North Dublin for my whole life.

Music was a huge part of my life and still honestly is. I met some amazing people while I played and it gave me amazing opportunities to travel at such a young age.

My family are an incredible bunch of people and definitely are a big reason behind why I’m as driven and as focused with my goals as I am.

I was schooled in North Dublin for part of my childhood and then eventually made the move to a small primary school up the road from my future secondary school probably so that I would be prepared for the HUGE cultural difference between such an affluent part of South Dublin versus where I was from.

Took me a while to adjust to my new surroundings but of course puberty decided to hit me with all its mercy and next thing I knew I was 110+KG at the age of 11…Fantastic!

I actually had around nine times the testosterone levels I should have at that age which probably Is what led to me looking like a ten year old forty year old…


I began secondary school in Gonzaga college knowing literally nobody but I actually managed to get on quite well thankfully because I followed my minimal interest in rugby and turned out to be quite good at it so I would have always been in the “cool crew”.

I was never too good in school academically purely because rugby took precedence but I definitely had the potential to do very well but my focus was very very poor which of course caused a few concerns from teachers in the school and not to mention my parents! In Gonzaga it was all about academics and honestly not much else!

For me it was all about getting the keys to the gym from the Cleaners “Danny” and “Ben” and locking myself in there and getting some sick pumps on haha..

We took our rugby seriously but never got that far.

I loved the sport but had far too many knee/shoulder surgeries to continue, the final one being 2 months away from my leaving cert so it was time to actually focus on the books.

Somehow I passed and it was genuinely a miracle but still low considering how well all my siblings did but they were as happy as I was that I had passed.

But it still was something for me to be proud of even though it would still be looked down on by some of my year but fuck it…cant impress everyone!

When it came to the time of deciding about college I still didn’t want to go and had absolutely no interest which of course caused trouble at home which I can absolutely understand because all my family were extremely high achievers and at this point I wasn’t powerlifting or training at all really. Eventually we made the decision that I was going to repeat my leaving cert which really didn’t last that long as my training really began around then.

So on I sat through the classes for a few months all the time just thinking of what I really wanted to be doing and that was what came after school.

I would get home and get a fuck load of food into me and wait for my good friend Jack to come over to my house and we would sit and chat bullshit and we would eventually go down and get a couple of hours training done.

It was structured to a degree but Jesus to this day I’m still shocked neither of us came out with some sort of serious injury hahaha.

Fast forward to the end of 2014 and I’m competing in an idfpa push/pull. Worst decision of my life! No atmosphere and they immediately turned their nose up at me for coming in as a newbie and hitting what to me were average numbers! (250KG dead 142.5KG bench)

Moral of that story… fuck the idfpa don’t even waste your time with them hahaha.

Anyway I’m going off track here but sure look you clearly are like myself and have nothing better to be doing than being on a blog but I love you all for being here.

Fast forward to Febuary 2016 and I’m getting my final and most horrific knee operation after which I wont ever do a bodyweight squat ever again as a result of all the surgeries…

But of course the stubborn side of me came out and within 6 weeks I was squatting over 140KG!

I kept at my training and eventually competed in Boyneside strength in Drogheda in an IPO push pull and hit alright numbers again. (162.5KG bench 255KG dead)

From the moment I stepped in Boyneside I knew its where I had to train in order to succeed in this sport and not to mention how everything seemed to click so well going out with steph too haha!

Madly now I’m actually working out of Boyneside and I view all the staff as family so for me as a 21 year old its definitely a different life than most will have!

So as you can imagine I have lost contact with a lot of my old friends which is a shame but for myself the most important thing is my training because when I told my parents I wasn’t going to college I told them I was going to make it work so I sure as hell better make shit work now or ill look like a massive tit!

I said I’d just do this as a little intro to my blog series if it is to even be a thing I guess I will just have to wait how well it is received!

Feedback is always cool but hopefully I took you away from reality for a few minutes in which case I guess it worked haha!

That’s all for tonight fuckers

xoxo Killian